So this is life...

I’m 32 years old. I’m engaged for this first time. My fiancée has two little boys that we have 50% of the time. (8 and 10 years old) I own a small business. I do part time consulting on the side for 2 companies. I own a horse (that I never have time for) and two dogs. One indoor little mini schnauzer (with an attitude) and a border collie that lives outside. He is brilliant.

Why am I starting a blog? Because I need to. When I talk to people about my life, they say “that’s a book” “you should write this down”…..so I’m doing it. But not really for others, mostly as a way for me to vent. About everything. For so long I have thought about writing a blog about my business and how stressful that is. Or a blog on being a soon to be step mom. Or a blog on women. The thing is, I am juggling what seems like a thousand things, and at times I feel like I have dropped all my balls. (weird sentence) Lost my marbles? Gone fucking nuts!

I know im not alone, and I don’t claim to have the worst life, or the hardest time. I am hugely blessed and take note of it at every opportunity. But its fucking hard. Life is hard. Love is hard. Family is harder. I’m 32 and feel like im 64. My life is wizzing by me and there is not enough time in the day to get everything done. I need to make sense of it. So this is my blog. My attempt to write what I want, what I feel, and make sense of my chaos.

If you read my blog, thank you. If you have suggestions, send them. I am an open book. I don’t claim to know everything, but I do know that its time to make a change in my life. That change starts today.

365 days of change / chaos, and total shit.

Today I took the day off. Its presidents day, and I “closed” my office for the day. Keep in mind, that just means calling the one person that works a couple hours a day and telling her she has the day off, and then me not answering the phones or emails. I am a workaholic, so this was and is really hard for me. I slept in until 8…..my fiancée had to work, so he was up and walking around the house, so I couldn’t sleep. He tries to be quiet, but hes not, at all. I love him, but when you drop a bottle of vitamins on the hard wood floor, Im up.

So I made a cup of coffee, grabbed a granola bar and went back to bed. I ordered Julie and Julia on On Demand movies. Awesome! I have had “start my online journal” on my to do list for months. Today is the day! I am just starting. When I was in college I took a womens studies class that required morning writings, and I loved it! So this is my digital version of that.

Even though its my day off, its noon and I need to get started. I have a list of 12 things that I would love to do today. Not gonna happen, but maybe it will this week.

Go pick up dogs
Install Microsoft Money
Get a new Kitchen Curtain
Repot a Flower
Take some new pictures to hang in the kitchen
Go to the grocery Store
Find a new exercise program
Take something to return to Costco
Clean the bathroom
Create a cleaning schedule for the house
Make a business phone call
Work on the wedding
Find a teeth whitener
Possibly go to Dillard’s and use my Christmas gift card.

*sigh…..I suck at plants, and cleaning the bathroom is technically my fiancées job, that never seems to happen. That’s why the schedule! We’ll see.

We get the kiddos every Monday. So tonight is our first night of our “on week” with the boys. Our house turns from a quiet peaceful space to total chaos….wrestling, fighting, spilling, homework, soccer, chaos. I dread it and love it at the same time. They are amazing little guys!